Your Anti-Valentine’s Day Mixtape

broken_heart_by_fabu

LOVE SUCKS. It’s no coincidence that it’s a four-letter word. Sure, from the exterior love looks great, but it’s easy to forget so many aspects it entails. Love brings heartbreak, loneliness, pain, betrayal and the hostile feelings of resentment. For all of the souls that won’t be celebrating the upcoming “holiday,” here’s some songs for your mixtape to help us keep in mind that the gushing and blushing another person can cause is just not worth it. Give it to your dreadful ex, or keep it for your own self-validation.

“97” — Alkaline Trio

Let’s kick it off simple. “I’ve got it now, a thorn in my side the size of a Cadillac.” If that line, when sung with a screaming rancor, doesn’t sum up the sting of every lost relationship, then what does?

“Sic Transit Gloria…Glory Fades” — Brand New

Really, any anti-love mixtape could be made up entirely of Brand New songs. But when pressed to pick just one, it has to be “Sic Transit…” off of the album that should be handed out by and to anyone who condones abstinence, Deja Entendu. The song’s lyrics tell of a boy searching for love. Instead, his virginity is forced from him. Between the hesitation, fear and nausea, the prospect of sex has never been less sexy on this track.

“Find Another Girl” — The Hives

When heartbreak makes you go crying to your mom in a desperate search for advice, you know you’ve hit rock bottom. Sure she might tell you to “find yourself another girl, who will love you true, true, true,” but you’ll probably just end up back home in the basement in another year or so broken once again. Such is life.

“Broken Box” — Queens of the Stone Age

Lots of the tunes that rail against love have a bemoaning quality to them. However, Queens of the Stone Age go the other way, saying that the ex is just not worth caring about. Odds are your current lover will end up being that hated sleazebag or wench, so why bother?

“Anna is A Stool Pigeon” — Tom Gabel

They say that people are destined to fall for their least compatible suitors. That sentiment has never been truer than in this song, which was loosely based on the real life environmental activist/anarchist Eric McDavid. Just be careful kids, that cute anarchist chick might actually be an undercover F.B.I. informant who’ll get you thrown in jail.

“Anywhere With You” — Saves the Day

When you reach the point that you’re saying: “I’d rather be here than anywhere with you,” you know things have gone sour in the relationship. While the emo quip might seem a bit melodramatic, don’t act like you’ve never felt this way before about someone.

“Old Friend” — Rancid

Few things suck as much as heartache being your “old friend” that wakes you up everyday. This is only augmented when the old fame that you can’t shake is “in the city behind.” Rancid reinforces that there is no need for this daily torture, especially for a silly thing called love.

“Don’t Mug Yourself” — The Streets

Nothing brings back tainted memories of relationships then looking back and realizing how utterly whipped you were. In the end, the way you spent days obsessing over that cute chick or handsome guy seems so futile. All those wasted hours when you could have been doing something productive instead of potentially reproductive. Ain’t love a kick? Well yes, it just happens to be a well-placed kick to a very sensitive area.

“Love Will Tear Us Apart” — Susanna and the Magical Orchestra

No list of anti-love songs can truly be considered complete without Joy Division’s signature forlorn angst. That being said, Susanna and the Magical Orchestra’s cover of the song is even more of a soul-crushing downer. Nothing is quite as sobering as the lyrics that proclaim love will always fail, but when the tempo is dropped and the song is stripped down to just a haunting female vocal and sparse instrumentals, it really hits home. And this is the perfect spot to end our mixtape.


*Published in today’s issue of The Gonzaga Bulletin.*

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